Assalaamu Alaykum my dear sisters!
I want to discuss domestic violence (DV) with my readers for a brief moment. Reason being is because today I got to experience going to a DV shelter in my area. My supervisor decided to take me out on a field day sort of trip to educate me on the different resources available to people out here. Our first stop was a DV shelter that has an unlisted address (for safety purposes). While there, the lady who pretty much runs the place gave me a special tour. I got to see the main living area, bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen, laundry room, and back yard. It was lovely. After the tour we went into her office to talk more about the shelter and during this time she received a phone call.
On the phone was a woman calling for help who has been married to a man for 23 years. This husband of hers is physically, emotionally, and sexually abuse towards her and her three children (12, 18, and 19 I believe). He is a sex addict and has been caught grabbing his 12 year old daughters panties to sniff them. Truly a heart breaking story. On top of that, her 18 year old son has thyroid cancer and her 19 year old son has HIV (possibly got it from the father/husband). After hearing all of this I couldn't help myself and just cried.
Now I know this is an extreme case, but there are many different types of DV: emotional, physical, sexual, etc. Whether you are a man or a woman, it is not okay for anyone to treat you in a disrespectful manner. Often times we disregard actions that we don't consider to be DV, but really it is! Educate yourselves and learn how you can prevent this sort of thing happening to you and your loved ones. If you see someone who is being abused in any way, find a way to get that person the help they need. I was told yesterday that statistics show that individuals in an abusive relationship will continue going back to their abuser up to 15 times before they either leave for good or die! This is NOT okay and we need to do our part in this world to protect our brothers and sisters of all faiths!!!
Interesting post Elisa. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI hope you recovered from this shock. Because I know it is hard to carry on when you hear stories like this.
It is more common that we can imagine and you're right we must help anybody that is in a DV situation, whatever our action could be. Even a tiny one can make a difference.
I have multiple examples of victims around me, friends & family, so I know the subject well. Lots of women/men keep thinking that if their husbands/wives act like this it is because of them, they are not good enough. And it is not the case. Same for children.
This is an important topic and we have to be aware of it. We have to address these issues and to create structures and laws that protect people who suffer from DV.
Best of luck for the continuation of your program. This is a great opportunity for you and others after. Take good care of you. xx
Subhanallah that is such a sad story :( I feel so bad for people in those situations!! Alhamdullilah I'm glad you were able to go though. I know when I helped with salvation army by handing out food/clothes it made me soooo greatful for what I have!!
ReplyDeleteSalaam alaikum,
ReplyDeleteThis is so heatbreaking :( May Allah(swt) guide these sick people who do this, and may He protect, comfort, and strengthen the victims of domestic violence and abuse, ameen!
salaams!
ReplyDeleteGreat Post! I just wanted to add that the most important thing we women can do is believe the person who comes forward and says they are being abused. Its also important for those women (and men) in abusive relationships to understand the cycle of abuse and know that it is not their fault. It takes an average of 7 times before a woman leaves her abusive partner. In the meanwhile, if you know someone who is in an abusive relationship its important to stay patient and try to understand why it is your friend, sister, mom etc is staying in this dysfunctional relationship. This is why everyone (abused and non abused) understand the cycle of abuse and how it works. The main goal of an abuser is control. The way they achieve this goal is through abuse. As you mentioned, abuse is not just physical. Its emotional, economical, sexual etc. Here is a great link that summarizes domestic violence, tactics abusers use to manipulate their victims, explanation of the cycle of abuse etc
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
I used to work with children who had witnessed or experienced physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Some women may think that its better to stay in a relationship that is emotionally abusive than have to leave and find a job etc. The problem is children pick up these negative behaviors from the abuser (they dont need to be abused themselves, just witnessing it is enough) and act out. Women with children need to put their children first and know that this type of relationship is harmful for the development and well-being of their children. I also wanted to add that if anyone knows someone who is an abusive relationship, its important to safety plan with your friend, sister, etc. That way if they are in danger and need to leave immediately they will have a plan (setting some money aside in a secret place, bag of clothes with birth certificate, passport etc, emergency phone to call the police etc).
Marie,
ReplyDeleteYes, it is very hard to hear about these stories, but I am okay. What's more important is to know this woman has received help which I am hoping to find out today, insha'allah. Since I am not working at the DV shelter, I do not get updated on the individuals there, but maybe I can find out about this woman at least. She has been on my mind a lot.
Thank you for your comment, Marie! May God bless you my dear friend :)
AlabasterMuslim,
Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with you. When working, volunteering, etc. in these situations it really does help you to appreciate what you have more.
Ayah,
Ameen sister! Insha'Allah, these individuals will come out of their situations and get the help they need.
Rene,
Thank you for your amazingly wonderful comment, masha'allah!! I will go check out that link you provided, insha'allah. May Allah bless you my dear.
Yes, it is so important for those in an abusive relationship to have a plan set up with a friend, etc. In fact, the lady running the shelter was talking about that to the woman on the phone.