Do you ever feel like you're in this ugly place inside your mind? I can't help but feel this way lately. Why? I have no idea. . .I'm getting irritated so easily and I'm fed up with people's behavior. I don't even feel close to Islam anymore. I mean, I still love God very much and I don't want to give up on Him, but Islam is a whole other story. It's like what's the point in even trying when you're always going to have someone tell you you're not a good enough Muslim? Or even if they don't actually say it to you like that, they suggest it in another way. I'm sick and tired of Muslims. . .there, I SAID IT! I'm SICK OF THEM! UGH! Well, not ALL I guess. . .just the ones that seem to be so damn negative about how others practice (which seems to be a reoccurring theme in the one's I know outside of the internet). It has really made me miss the days of going to Church and talking about God with my Christian friends.
Why is it that I've found some amazing sisters via internet, but I can't seem to find any in real life?
Sorry for this totally depressing post. . .and lack of any exciting posts lately, but I have been in a huge spiritual rut for a while now.
May you all be in much better spirits.
You are new to Islam and you are still learning. Nobody has any right to tell you that you are not a good enough Muslim.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, this is just a test from Him to see how strong you are?
Not all are like those people. You've just not met them yet.
Please stay strong, as I know you are.
Contact me personally if there is anything I can help you. I'll always be here for you.
My prayer and hugs for you.
salaam alaikum lovely,
ReplyDeleteFor a second I thought you had stolen this post from my diary lol. I know not all muslims are this way but unfortunately there are a lot of muslims who define Islam by your outer apperance. Do you wear hijab? If so, how long is it? Do you wear abayah? Do you have a beard? If so, how long is it? and so on...
One thing i have learned over the years is to not care what others think. No one is perfect and no one sees the internal struggle that one is facing day in and day out, therefore they should not judge until theyve walked a day in that persons shoes....
If these same people are giving off negative energy and making it difficult to practice islam or are turning you off from Islam, it might be a good idea to distance yourself from them. Otherwise their negative attitudes and energy will bring you down.
Alhamdulillah you have found some great friends online (hope im one of them =P) and we are here for you. If it makes you feel better my only friends now are my online friends since the only muslim women in my area are berbers. That wouldnt be so bad except that they only hang out with one another.
Try to surround yourself with people who give off positive energy and encourage you to be a better person not through their words but through their actions. (doesnt have to be in person, could be someone online, etc) I know it is difficult, but it doesnt always have to be a muslim. Could be a family member etc.
Sometimes, solitude is good and can bring you closer to Allah.
XO
I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm in a spiritual runt, too. We'll get through it together, Insha'Allah! (:
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean... It's difficult and kind of depressing how hard it is to come by Muslims who are truly open-minded... I keel faith a personal thing to avoid all that. I'm Muslim but I'm my own kind or Muslim and I find it easier not to be frustrated with others when I have it in my mind that we don't have to believe the same way and they don't even have to know I'm Muslim to begin with!
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon!
Some times are harder than others Elisa and it is easy to loose faith and patience. I think we all go through phases like this.
ReplyDeleteTry not to push yourself too much and accept your weaknesses, keep praying and don't bother much with what people think - we are not on earth to judge one another but to give a hand when it's needed and let people go at their rhythm.
Take your time and remember there are many people around who pray and think about you. Take care my dear friend and there is only one thing you can do is hold on to God. After all he is the only one who knows you.
Sending much love.xxx
Sis, I know where you are...it's so sad.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are feeling this way, and I would love to connect and speak if you would like.
I know that were it not for my kids and hubby, I would also be very lost. My iman is so high because of my family.
While you don't want to live online, perhaps, it's also a way for you to escape the negativity of so-called Muslims who do nothing but spew hatred.
Take care of yourself, and know that someone out there is thinking about you (I am sure many sisters are thinking about you).
Salam alaikum
I think it's normal to feel this ugly space within your head. Makes you appreciate all the beauty hidden in it even more wonderful.
ReplyDeleteHey, Salam
ReplyDeleteI get how you feel! I feel like that too...sometimes...I'm seeing everyone so practicing, I've gone a bit down in my practice, I'm going through some phases too....That ugly space is going to go...remember only God knows us better than other people...haven't had Muslim friends in real life, its all in the net, I live in a christian country....May Allah ease ur pain, ameen....I'll visit your blog more often =) I only noticed it now...hehe
xxx