Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, my lovely readers.
I am reaching out to each and every one of you who comes across this post. I am asking for du'as for a dear friend of mine. Two nights ago she confided in me that her husband beats her. He punches her, bites her, scratches her face, pulls her hair, etc. Also, she has a 4 month old son to take care of and she is incredibly scared about her situation. She is living in a home with her husband and his parents. Her in-laws do nothing to help her and they expect her to do all the cooking and cleaning as well. Even while she was pregnant they made her do it all (and she had a high risk pregnancy and was ordered to be on bed rest by her doctor).
I am so scared for her, but I am so thankful that she confided in me because I am working with women that have been in these situations every day. Subhan'Allah, God works in amazing ways. I am praying she will have the courage to leave her abuser as soon as possible, but it's a process. Of course, there is mental abuse as well and her husband forbids her from leaving and, often times, forbids her from using a computer and phone.
Please, dear friends and strangers, pray for her! Pray hard for her! Also, if anyone has advice as to how I can help her in ways that maybe I have not thought of, please let me know. I've been talking to her a lot and I've been trying to do my own research for resources available to her where she is living, but more advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you and may Allah bless you all for your kindness.
Dear Elisa, surely we will pray for her. That is so sad to hear about these abuses and intolerable to hear how her husband and family-in-law treats her.
ReplyDeleteI think keeping in close contact with her is the best right now, so she feels people understand her and are there for her.
I don't know which resources are available in the US, but she need to leave him as soon as she can. I imagine he puts pressure on her and threaten her. I had a friend in the same situation so I know what people like her husband can do.
Can't help you more but will keep praying for her. Send her my deep thoughts.
Take care of yourself Elisa.
Have her document the abuse as much as possible. Is there an abuse shelter in the area? What is stopping her from leaving him? I am not blaming her, but finding out what is keeping her there may help you and others figure out how to help her. Is it money, her fearing more abuse, etc? Obviously if she won't let others help her, it is up to her.
ReplyDeleteAnisah
I feel like crying just reading this, of course I will pray for her and her son . I just wish I lived in the same country so I could help.... May Allah remove her and her son from this awful situation and provide for her in everyway possible ameen
ReplyDeleteSalaam alaikum lovely,
ReplyDeleteYour friend is in my prayers and I ask Allah to give her the courage and strength to leave this abusive relationship. May Allah (swt) bless her with something better and make it easy for her to leave. Ameen.
You are doing a great job providing resources for her (shelter information etc). The most important thing is safety planning. If you havent already, I would suggest going over a safety plan with her. This would include making copies of legal documents and/or putting passport/birth certificates etc in a safe place where she has access to them. Putting aside some cash for gas and/or food. She should also pack a small duffel bag and put some of her and her baby´s personal items in it (clothes, bottles, formula if the baby uses it, etc). Also, most shelters will provide cell phones that allow you to call the police in case of an emergency. You could contact one of your local shelters and see if you can get one for her. Going over the cycle of abuse is also good because it will show her the tactics that her husband and his family use to keep their control over her.
http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/
It might take her 7 or 8 times before she actually leaves for good. Being a good friend and listening to her and believing her is something she really needs right now. I know she is in good hands having you as a friend and inshaAllah she will get out of this situation ASAP. Try to remind her that if anything she needs to leave for her baby. Most shelters allow women to stay for 1 month and in certain cases up to 3 months. Does she have any family nearby she could stay with?
Elisa,
ReplyDeleteI hope you're keeping well. Could not find your e-mail address so I leave a comment.
Read an article in sisters magazine about Domestic Violence - and it talks about a shelter for Muslim Women, I don't know if it's in your friend area but maybe she can give a call and ask for advice.
I give you the reference: www.sisters-magazine.com / Magazine January 2011
(Shelter website - www.mnisaa.org Muslimat Al-Nisaa)
Keeping her and her child in our prayers.
A blessed Ramadan for you and your family. Take care